We all love compliments and awards! Most of us want to garner positive attention and more praise.
While yes, some of us may feel a little shy or embarrassed when we're "called out" for our good behavior and efforts, we all enjoy it (at least a little).
But of course, if you're anything like me, you've probably been taught that "seeking attention" is a negative behavior, right? Asking (or "fishing") for compliments is taboo and even cheesy, right?
In reality, this couldn't be further from the truth.We all deserve praise and positive attention. There's no reason we should avoid it or shy away from it. While we want to be humble, there's nothing wrong with receiving praise, especially for a job well done. You deserve it!
How to let go of the negative
Sometimes we may feel that our efforts go unnoticed. We may feel that nobody appreciates us or that everyone is a critic.
While there are times when our good behavior and performance go under the radar, some of us fall into patterns where we only hear the bad and focus on the bad instead of the good. Why this?Because for many of us, it's easier to believe or fixate on the negative comments than the positive ones.
When we make a mistake, we often feel depressed. We can startsmelly thinking: believing that we “always” make mistakes or that we “never” do anything right. We may believe that the cards are stacked against us and there is no point in even trying because we will never succeed. When we start experiencing smelly thinking, it can often become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Negative self-talk gives us an excuse to continue underperforming. After all, why would you try, especially when everyone is against you?
Instead, drop the excuses and stop your stinky thinking! Realize that for every critic, you probably ignore five compliments. If you experience a bump in the road, shrug it off, take it as a lesson and move on. Don't see mistakes as missteps, but as opportunities to learn and grow.
When we hear a negative comment, it's easy to take it to heart. Often it canAffirm limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves. We may feel devalued and insecure. Instead, it's important to remember that comments come and go. While some criticism may be more personal (like words from our boss or our spouse), others are simply a sign that the other party is having a bad day.
It's perfectly legitimate to feel hurt or put off by negative comments.It is important that you acknowledge this pain and let it be felt. At the same time, learn the lessons of the experience and move forward. If your boss criticizes your work, look for lessons, apply your new knowledge in the future, and move on. If a friend makes a comment that hurts your feelings, let them know. Bring the situation to light and work through it.
On the other hand, enjoy the compliments! Instead of focusing on the harsh comments, focus on the positive affirmations. This is a bit trickier at first, especially if you're not used to focusing on awards. If we want to attract positive attention, we should acknowledge and be open to the positive attention we are already bringing!
Go for effort instead of luck
If you want to attract positive attention, it is important to make an effort. When we do our best and really engage in activities, we often attract positive attention without even trying.
However, sometimes we all choose to “call it on”. Often this is a move driven by our fears. Doing our best eventually puts us in a vulnerable position that can be scary. What if our best isn't good enough?
It's important to remember to go for gold anyway!Mistakes and setbacks are an essential part of learningand growth. If you make mistakes, it's a good sign that you're trying!
'Learning by doing' is how we really acquire knowledge and skills, according to a growing body of scientific evidence. It assumes that action builds new skills for implicit memory to draw on, and that implicit memory—that which is not consciously available—determines most of what we do. In fact, the Russian psychologist and educational theorist Lev Vygotsky proposed that all learning is based on engagement. He suggested that we learn by actually doing things before we know how to do them and that - contrary to popular belief - learning is not something that happens in our heads without us doing anything.
Current neuroscientific research shows that neurons are constantly wired together and that we must repeatedly fail before establishing the new neural pathways for a new desired behavior.
Now ask yourself these questions:
Can you remember how many times you've failed before consistently learning to tie your shoelaces?
How about learning to ride a bike? Did thinking really help much? You may have settled down, but you still needed to get a "feel for" driving.
How about learning a foreign language? You can't just read it to speak it.
We don't learn and grow through analysis alone. Developing new neural pathways requires commitment, and commitment requires making mistakes until the behavior becomes automatic. Sellers will tell you the same thing - you need to stay tuned in until you start to gain momentum and keep in touch. Consulting firms bring in analysts as assistants and keep them away from clients until they've seen enough and made enough basic, safe mistakes to deliver consistent results in both work product and client relationships.
In one study, Carol Dweck illustrated the cause-and-effect relationships between effort and success. She notes that the test scores of children in the study who were praised for their dedication and effort improved by 30 percent, while those of children who were praised only for their cleverness fell 20 percent in our abilities - and helps us develop the growth mindset necessary to live a great life.
-Transformed! The Science of Spectacular Life!
Many of us get frustrated when we put our full effort into our activities and they still go unnoticed. But it's important to realize that this effort is key to growth. While we may not garner positive attention for every action, if we always do our best, we will become stronger, more skilled, and experience greater growth.
Emphasize the positive
The other part of attracting positive attention is learning to emphasize our positive qualities. Of course, that doesn't mean just doing what you're good at or putting on a false facade. It meansPractice self-care and self-compassion.
When we feel good — when we exercise, polish up, mindful, eat healthy — we perform better. We feel better and feel more secure.
There's a lot of truth to the old adage "dress for your next promotion." When you take the time to do your best, the way you think changes. They are polished and fill together. They are more professional and exude confidence.
Similar,When you make an effort, you will often have more confidence in your gains and achievements.You will experience greater satisfaction in your work and personal life, and consequently attract the positive attention of those around you.
Aliveness comes from our aliveness and what we call "flow". When you experience flow, it's almost like a happy hum or a little hum. The pieces fall into place. You have a positive relationship with others. Your needs will be met and most importantly, don't let up or numb yourself with it gentle addictions. Instead, you're engaged.
Truly engaging means being switched on and tuned in. Engagement doesn't mean having conversations about the weekend, the sport, or the weather. Commitment requires a deeper connection and awareness of both ourselves and those around us.
When we get engaged, something wonderful happens: we glow!Suddenly all this positive attention - this energy and these "good vibes" - are like moths to the flame. When we engage with others, we are noticed more often. We receive positive attention and compliments.
For more ways to live a vibrant life, seethe Wright Foundation. Attend a networking event where you can connect with others who are growing and learning. Many of our courses are nowavailable for download. Don't miss this great opportunity to try them at a special introductory price!
About the author
dr Judith Wright is a media favorite, sought-after inspirational speaker, respected leader, peerless educator, best-selling author and world-class trainer.
She is co-founder ofThe Wright Foundationand theWright Graduate University.
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TheWright Foundation for Realizing Human Potentialis a leadership institute in Chicago, Illinois. Wright Foundation performative learning programs are integrated into the curriculum ofWright Graduate University.